


Pax, Pacis

by It-is-the-Hannah (carry_on_my_wayward_outcasts)



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Catholicism, Easter, Lent, M/M, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 04:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_my_wayward_outcasts/pseuds/It-is-the-Hannah
Summary: "Ronan seemed nervous.Adam supposed that was probably because taking your boyfriend to mass wasn’t really something the Church endorsed, especially when you took the whole witch business into account. Psychic business. Magic business. Whatever you wanted to call it, the fact of the matter was that Adam Parrish probably shouldn’t be here.But, Ronan had asked him."In which Adam goes to mass with the Lynches, and has a lot of thoughts.





	Pax, Pacis

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came out of me, a theoretical Catholic, having some Thoughts about Lent and Easter and attending mass and projecting all of that onto Adam and Ronan. It is very introspective.  
> Enjoy!

Ronan seemed nervous.

Adam supposed that was probably because taking your boyfriend to mass wasn’t really something the Church endorsed, especially when you took the whole witch business into account. Psychic business. Magic business. Whatever you wanted to call it, the fact of the matter was that Adam Parrish probably shouldn’t be here.

But, Ronan had asked him. 

Adam hadn’t been sure if he was joking or not, the first time he brought it up. It was Ash Wednesday, which Adam hadn’t even realized was a thing people actually cared about until Ronan turned up at his door after the service, forehead streaked with black. That was how the whole conversation started, actually, Adam asking if Ronan was aware he had dirt on his face, and Ronan looking at him incredulously before explaining the whole thing and ending with, “-and that’s why you should have taken the day off yesterday when I asked you, because now we’re going to have to go forty days without sex and we didn’t even get a fucking Mardi Gras send off for it.” At which point Adam had to ask him to back up for a moment, and explain why Ronan’s religion meant he couldn’t get an orgasm from his boyfriend for the next month. 

“I don’t have any other vices left to give up, that’s why. Stopped drinking when we started dating, there’s no one decent left to race with, and dreaming’s too unpredictable to make a promise about.” Adam hadn’t actually known about the drinking, which more or less shut him up, although as they laid curled around each other fully clothed, he couldn’t help but grumble about having to do all the penance without any of the blessings afterwards, and that’s when Ronan brought up the idea. 

“You could always come to Easter mass with me.” Adam had laughed, at first, then realized from the look on Ronan’s face that he wasn’t joking, and then sputtered all the reasons why the Church would probably frown on him attending a service, to which Ronan replied that nearly all the same reasons applied to him, and how there are worse sins than anything they’ve committed together, anyway, and “it’s not that big a deal, Parrish, shit, don’t get your panties in a wad, you don’t have to go if you really think you’re gonna burst into flames”. And since Adam knows Ronan well enough to tell when something is actually a big deal, and since he was reasonably sure that if God was going to strike either of them down He’d had plenty of opportunities to do it in the past year, and since this whole thing felt a little bit like a challenge, he found himself agreeing to come to Easter mass with the Lynches.

This brought him to today, stuffed into his one suit and crammed into a pew beside Ronan and his brothers, surrounded by a few hundred devout Catholics and listening to a priest talk about repentance and salvation and capital G-God. 

Adam, who even after everything wasn’t entirely sure he actually believed in the sort of God that appeared in churches, didn’t really know how to feel about the whole ordeal.  

He especially didn’t understand the  _ point  _ of it all, couldn’t figure out what anyone was getting from this, other than sore legs from all of the standing and kneeling and sitting on hard wood. He watched the congregation instead of the priest for most of the service, trying to work it out. All the little old ladies in their best dresses and hats, the men he had seen in passing around town or at the factory, the young parents gently herding their children through all the motions, all of them must have had a reason for getting up early on their day off and putting on their best clothes just to listen to a man talk about religion for an hour. He found himself wondering what everyone had given up for Lent, if they had thought it was worth it. If  _ he  _ thought it was worth it. 

And then they came to the Peace, everyone shaking hands and wishing blessings on each other, and Adam understood. 

Ronan turned to him first, grinning, and clasped his hand with a wink and a, “Peace be with you, Parrish” that was just a little too serious for Adam to take it as anything other than the blessing it was. Adam squeezed his hand and responded in kind, finding himself saying the words as if they were a spell, as if by speaking them he could really guarantee a little peace for them, for once. And when that little moment was over and they each turned to Ronan’s brothers to repeat the ritual, Adam found himself meaning it just as much, and he meant it when he said it to the old woman to his right, and to the little giggly kids and their parents in the pew in front of him, and to a few of his old coworkers standing behind him. 

Peace. What a strange idea, what a beautiful concept, what an odd ritual it was to offer such a blessing and have it offered in return. 

Adam sat in the pew while the Lynches and their congregation went and accepted communion. He saw a few others like him conspicuously remaining seated, and wondered how they were feeling. If they had been affected as much by this small thing as he was. 

He watched Ronan accept the wafer, and saw Declan clasp his shoulder meaningfully on the way back to their seats when he shook his head at the wine. No words were exchanged, but Ronan’s faint smile and the proud crinkles around Declan’s eyes said all they needed to.

Peace. Maybe it was possible for them. 

The brothers nodded at him when they returned to the pew, then knelt beside each other, hands clasped in front of them in prayer. When Adam knelt beside him, Ronan looked briefly startled, but quickly recovered and went back to whatever he was praying about. 

Adam was not sure that he believed in the God that the people around him all felt in this church. He certainly didn’t believe that God would listen to him, even if He did exist. And he’d never prayed before, so he wasn’t even really sure how this whole thing was supposed to work.

But if there was one thing he knew, after everything, it was that intentions mattered. Maybe no one was listening, but he could still make promises to himself, put ideas out so that they existed, wish peace on the people beside him.

He clasped his hands and bowed his head, and his thoughts went a little like this--

“We are going to be okay. Please let us be okay. I’ll do whatever it takes.” And it felt a little desperate, but he meant it. He would make sure Ronan, his family, he himself would be okay. They deserved peace, after everything.

Adam had made a lot of promises in his life. A lot of sacrifices, a lot of bargains, a lot of desperate pleas into darkness when he didn’t know if anyone could hear him. He always meant all of it, but when they were once again all sitting in the pew, listening to the priest wrap up the mass, he was fairly certain this one was on par with anything he had ever done with Cabeswater, with the first night he had sworn to himself he would make it out of his father’s house, with the day he had told Gansey he was not playing with Ronan’s heart. 

He had made a promise with himself and with the universe that everything would be okay eventually, and so it would be. He would make it so. 

Ronan took his hand as they walked out of the church, and Adam realized that he was so sure of this because he had finally realized, sometime during the service, that he wasn’t alone in this. 

Maybe that was why so many flocked to the old wooden building, that sense of community, that strangers were looking out for you. He knew none of the random congregation members actually cared about him on a personal level, but he knew Ronan, at least, wanted those blessings for him. 

He figured the least he could do was try and be worthy of that.

“So, Adam, what did you think of your first mass?” Adam took a minute to think over Declan’s question while they walked to the cars and he could feel Ronan’s tenseness by his side.

“It was-- interesting. The priest was a good speaker. I hadn’t realized there was that much singing, though.” This was a good enough answer for Ronan’s brothers, and launched Matthew into a chattering monologue on what he thought of hymns in general and various church member’s singing abilities. It was cut off when they got to the cars, agreeing to meet up at a restaurant nearby for brunch. Declan and Matthew drove off together while Ronan and Adam sat in Ronan’s car, Ronan somehow knowing that Adam needed a minute to process without Adam saying anything. 

“Was it as bad as you thought it was going to be?” Adam shook his head.

“Well, neither of us got burned by the holy water, so I think it exceeded all my expectations.” Ronan shoved him lightly. 

“Asshole.” Adam just smirked. “Seriously, though, was it okay?” Adam took his time to think, again. Ronan let him.

“I-- yeah. It was good. Kinda weird. I’m definitely not going to start coming every Sunday, but. I’m glad I went.” He looked over at Ronan, “I’m glad you invited me.” 

Because that was the crux of the whole matter, wasn’t it? This was another part of Ronan, one that Adam almost found harder to comprehend than his boyfriend’s more magical traits. But Ronan had invited him into this space, and that meant something. 

Ronan stared at him a moment, and then took his hand and pressed a kiss to the knuckles, saying everything with that small gesture that he would never admit to out loud.

“I’m glad you didn’t burst into flames. Now, come on, we haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. Brunch is always better if you’ve been sitting in a pew for an hour, and after that, we get to celebrate celebrate Lent being over.” He grinned over at Adam, and Adam couldn’t help but match his expression. 

Things were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos/a comment if you liked it, or hit me up on tumblr at it-is-the-hannah.tumblr.com  
> Happy Easter!


End file.
